A Passover Saga by Daniel Feldman Copyright 1997 All rights reserved Thirteen
men and women sat in a circle around the fire, meditating quietly with focused
intent. The pungent smoke of the burning flesh and hair of the goat filled our
nostrils. Mixed emotions stirred within us and a few could still not hold back
tears that began to flow when the goat was slain and the blood collected. Most
had never seen an animal slain for any reason, let alone as a sacrificial
offering; many were vegetarians. But an overriding sense of higher purpose and
appropriateness held everyone steadfast to the events at hand, and we were
ready to do what needed to be done. That
day’s and night’s activities were the culmination of a lot of discussion,
planning, work, excitement, and anticipation. It all started with a simple
question: "If you ignore the modern ritual of Passover (Pesach), what would Passover and the Seder be like if you just did
what it says to do in the Torah?"[1]
One of the continuing threads in our discussion group, one that effected many
other topics, was trying to reach back before the Talmudic period
(200BCE-500CE), before the four centuries of Babylonian slavery, before the
destruction of Lachish (circa 900BCE), to the times of the
Patriarchs/Matriarchs and their early descendants, to find the Hebrew roots of
what we now call Judaism.[2]
Many (but not all) of us in the discussion group were born Jews. We had been bar and bat mitzvahed, grown up celebrating the annual holidays and rituals
like the Passover Seder with our families. Some of us were the youngest child,
so we got to ask the question "How different is this night from all other
nights", and so forth.[3] While
the individual strength of our Jewish identity varied widely amongst us, we all
shared a distinct sense like we had been reincarnated back into our religion
from the time of the ancient Hebrews and couldn’t identify with what it had
become. As our understanding and appreciation for what our mentor was teaching
us grew in depth, we had an even greater sense of return and renewal through
the Mystical Qabalah to the religion of our ancient forebears. Our
mentor agreed that enacting a Passover that had as its core premise to "do
pretty much just what it actually says to do in the Torah" was a worthy project
and, in fact, had been preordained. He agreed to lead the ritual but said that
the members of the group should make all the preparations. I volunteered to
research the history of the modern ritual of Passover and report back the next
week. What I learned was that the basic components of the modern Seder can be
traced back only as far as the teachings of the Mishnaic rabbis, circa
200BCE-200CE.[4] In
his book A Feast of History, Chaim Raphael says, "The Seder as we practice it now began
to take its shape only in the last days of the Second Temple...more sharply
defined into its present form in the century after the destruction of the
Temple - say between 100 and 150CE."[5]
The term "Mishnaic" is a reference to the Mishnah, a collection of scriptural
exegesis attributed to various heralded Palestinian rabbis who lived during
those four centuries. The Mishnah was edited and codified
circa 200CE. The variegated tractates of the Mishnah form the core of
the Talmud.[6] The
bulk of the Talmud, called the Gemara (lit. completion), is a
collection of discussions amongst later Palestinian and Babylonian rabbis
regarding passages and topics in the Mishnah. The Talmud Yerushalmi was
formally compiled circa the end of the 4th century CE and the Talmud
Babli circa the end of the fifth century CE.[7]
The section of the Mishnah which deals with the laws of Passover is the Tractate Pesahim, Chapter 10. In
particular, Rabbi Gamaliel delineates the reasons for the three ceremonies of Pesach (Passover Seder), Matzoh (Unleavened Bread), and Maror (Bitter Herbs):[8] "The Passover sacrifice (is offered)
because the Holy One, blessed be He, passed over the houses of our fathers in The opening line of Pesahim
10.6 expresses the essential spirit of how we should celebrate the Passover
Seder. "In
every generation a man must so regard himself as if he came forth himself
out of Raphael
goes on to also say that the first full recording of what is basically our
present Haggadah is in a famous prayer book, Siddur Rab Amram, edited
by a Babylonian scholar Rabbi Amram ben Sheshnah in the 9th century CE. The Siddur
Amram included all the Jewish rituals. Rabbi Amram’s Siddur
was carefully constructed to reflect the view of the Rabbinites, the
"establishment" rabbis in At the next meeting, I reported on my
findings. Our mentor got out the Masorete text of the Tenak (with English
translation) and opened it to the twelfth chapter of Torah Shmoth. He
made copies so we could all read along together. We noticed that this chapter
in particular reflected the patchwork nature of Ezra’s Torah, which he
constructed after liberation from Babylonian slavery (circa 500BCE) from the
precious remaining scraps of scrolls that survived Babylonian fire and
centuries of cultural repression, corroborated by the memories of the elders.
The verses of Torah Shmoth Chapter 12 which provide the specific instructions
for the Seder are as follows:[10] 1.
And YHVH spoke unto Mosheh and to
Aharon in the 2.
This month (i.e. Nisan) shall be unto you the beginning of months, the first
shall it be unto you of the months of the year.[11] 3.
Speak ye unto all the congregation Israel, saying: on the tenth day of this
month they shall take to themselves every man a lamb (eh), for every family, a lamb for every house; 4.
And if the household be too little for a lamb, then shall he take it with his
neighbor who is next unto his house,
according to the number of the souls; every man according to what he eateth
shall ye make a count for the lamb. 5. A
lamb without blemish (Tamim, lit.
perfect), a male of the first year shall
ye have; from the sheep, or from the goats may ye take it. 6.
And it shall be watched by you until the fourteenth day of the same month; and
then the whole assembly of the congregation of 7.
And they shall take of the blood, and put it on the two side-posts and on the
lintel of the houses wherein thou shall eat it[12]. 8.
And they shall eat the flesh in that night, roasted with fire, with unleavened
bread; with bitter herbs they shall eat it. 9.
You shall not eat of it raw, nor in any wise boiled in water; but roasted by
fire; its head with its legs, and with its entrails. 10.
And ye shall not let any thing of it remain until morning; and that which
remaineth of it until morning ye shall burn with fire. 11.
And thus shall ye eat of it, with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet,
and your shall in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste, it is the passover
of YHVH. 12.
And I will pass through the land of Egypt in the Night of This , and I will
smite every first-born in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against
all the gods of Egypt will I execute judgments; I am the LORD.[13] 13.
And the blood shall be for you as a sign upon the houses where ye are; and when
I see the blood, I will pass over you; and there shall be no plague against you
to destroy, when I smite (others) in the land of Egypt. 15.
Seven days shall ye eat unleavened bread; but on the first day ye shall have
put away leaven out of your houses; for whosoever eateth leavened bread, from
the first day until the seventh day, that soul shall be cut off from Israel. 21.
And Mosheh called for the elders of Israel, and said unto them: Draw out and
take for yourselves lambs according to your families, and kill the Passover
sacrifice. 22.
And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip in the blood that is in the basin,
and strike the lintel and two side-posts with the blood that is in the basin;
and none of you shall go out from the door of his house until the morning. 23.
And YHVH will pass through to smite the Egyptians;
and when he seeth the blood on the lintel, and on the two side-posts, YHVH will
pass over the door, and will not suffer the destroyer to come in unto your
houses to smite.[14] 26.
And it shall come to pass, when your children shall say unto you: What mean ye
by this service? 27.
That ye shall say: It is the sacrifice of the Passover unto YHVH, who passed over the houses of the children
of 42. A night of watching that unto YHVH to bring them out
from the 43.
And YHVH said unto Mosheh and unto Aharon: This is
the ordinance of the Passover; no stranger shall eat thereof. 46.
In one house shall it be eaten; thou shalt not carry forth of the flesh of the
house; and no bone shall ye break in it. 48. ...but no uncircumcised person shall eat
thereof. So,
we found a clear and distinct set of instructions in Torah Shmoth for a
Passover ritual, a distinctly different ritual than the one to which many of us
were accustomed, to say the least. We made a list of what we would need for the
ritual per those instructions as follows: 1. A goat without
blemish, a male of the first year; the goat is to be watched for four days up
to the day of the ritual. 2. "Ready to go" clothes, sandals 3. One staff for each participant. 4. A bunch of hyssop. 5. Unleavened
bread. (Each person shall remove all leaven from their living spaces, and no
leaven shall be eaten by them for the entire week following the Seder.) 6. Bitter herbs (horse radish). 7. Wine 8. Wood and a roasting spit to roast
the lamb/goat. 9. A sharp knife. 10. Items for an altar to YHVH 11. Chair for Eliyahu ha Nabi 12. Times for sunrise and sunset. 13. Hard hats, flashlights, and
lanterns 13. Bris ring (joke) Our
mentor proceeded to research out the event in his own unique way, but said that
he would only reveal information on what he "learned" if useful or necessary to
the preparations. For instance, he told us that we would be sacrificing a goat
and not a lamb. He gave us a terrific
site for the ritual at an old mine shaft that went into the side of a hill in
high desert country. At the time, he was leasing the mine for its deep vertical
shaft into which he dropped sensitive tectonic recording equipment for
triangulation with data recorded by equipment based at his home laboratory and
at a third site. The mine shaft itself was really much more like a cave. It
ended in a cavern after winding its way into the hill about 150 feet. The end
chamber was a perfect setting for our "ancient" ritual. Shortly
after we began making preparations for the ritual, a letter with no return
address was delivered to the home of our mentor. Much to our surprise, the
envelope contained a valuable, albeit somewhat melodramatic, qabalistic
commentary on the Passover Seder. (To this day, we do not know if it was truly
sent to us from an outside source or, in fact, written by our mentor. No
correspondence accompanied the typewritten commentary, nor was there any
information that cited an extant source.) We read and discussed the commentary
at length. Our mentor noted several important features, such as the root
mantrum "Shomer Mah MeLylah" and the
material on the Aficomen, which we
decided to include as part of our ritual. The full text of the commentary is as
follows: The
white-haired old Hebrew Sheikh Eliyahu ben Otiqa removed his sandals, bowed,
and quietly chanted a Hebrew prayer. The sheikh then prayed silently and made
prostration to hvhy. All of
those assembled did the same. With the
aid of his staff, he stood up into the brilliant cupola of a billion stars. The
folds of his robes dropped down to his ankles. He began to speak: "In the Name of YHVH, the Gracious and
Loving One.[15]
Dear children, as Rosh HaShanah nears, it is time to teach you about the deep
mysteries of Passover and the Seder. It is being opened to you because the
times require it, and it is I who open it because it has been given to me by my
dear Lord, blessed be His Name, to do so. Your holy task is to absorb what I
tell you, to understand what I say, and to bring those conditions of which I speak
into all aspects of your daily lives. I say to each one of you here, if you are
not prepared to make the required striving, then it is better to leave now than
to bring divided intention to your work." Suddenly, the sound of the fire once
again filled the silent night as the sheikh waited to allow anyone to withdraw.
No one stirred so he continued. "In
the Name of YHVH, the All-Knowing and All Powerful One. The Mystery of Passover
includes within itself all the essentials for gaining higher levels of Being.
It is therefore of utmost importance for us to acquire both the theory and the
practice by which to reach the aim we have set for ourselves as the meaning of
our lives. Torah Shmoth Chapter 12 contains the treasury of the Passover
ordinance and it is that to which I now refer." The sheikh began to sing the third verse in
the chapter. "A lamb for a household..."(Torah Shmoth 12:3)"The lamb is of
first importance as it atones for a whole household. The lamb is a symbol for
that state which is essentially innocent i.e. like a child. The house is the
Tree of Life, the Qlifoth in the Four Worlds of Atzliluth, B’riyah, Yetzirah,
and Asiyah, and specifically, the physical body (nefesh).[16]
One who bears that state atones for as many as are attached to the influence of
the bearer of this quality of ‘lambness.’ Hence, Meshiach atones for the whole
congregation of "The lamb must be "...whole,
a male, a year old." (Torah Shmoth 12.4)
‘Whole’ means the bearer of this state abide in unity (yachid) with all his limbs and centers.[18]
The Hebrew word that is used is Tamim,
which means ‘whole,’ and also ‘perfections’ and ‘perfect’ in reference to the
Sefiroth on the Tree of Perfection. This makes the bearer of lambness ‘male,’
that is, attaches him(her) to the Upper World which is male in relation to the
feminine material Lower World in which we live.[19]
‘A year old’ means in this case, that the bearer adheres to that place called
‘First Year,’ the primary creative force in Upper World, which we know to be
the Sefirah Keter (Crown)." "...must
slaughter it (the lamb) between the evenings..."(Torah
Shmoth 12.6) ‘Between the evenings’ is refers to the Central Column of
the Tree of Life. Therefore, ‘the evenings’ are the Columns of the Right and
Left. Slaughtering the lamb between the evenings places the lamb in its proper
place of balance - in the Central Column between the two other opposite forces.
This makes a triad of three forces which
we will see clearly referred to in the following verses.[20]
The killing of the lamb means the opening of the force of the Spirit of the
Living Elohym from a self-contained condition to a condition where it can flow
forth. This force which flows forth is called "the blood of the lamb."[21] "...Take
some of the blood and put it on the two doorposts and upon the lintel in the
houses in which they eat them..."(Torah Shmoth 12.7) The outflowing of
energy of the blood containing the life-force is now to be placed on the three
"limbs" of the door of the house.[22]
Once again, the house is a dual symbol for both the Tree of Life and the
physical body. The lintel is the Central Column of the Tree, and as we have
said, the place of the lamb. The two side-posts are the Column of the Right and
Left, and as noted, "the evenings." These three columns are likewise found in
the physical body. Thus, the balanced energy of "lambness" must be distributed
evenly among all the Sefiroth of the Tree and all centers of the body." "And
they must eat the flesh on the Night of This...roasted with fire, and
(consumed) with unleavened bread and bitter herbs." (Torah Shmoth 12.8)
‘Eating the flesh’ represents eating the energy of the Evil Inclination, the
side of darkness.[23]
This eating can only occur when the energy of consciousness is distributed
simultaneously throughout the Sefiroth and the centers of the body.[24]
‘On the Night of This’ means that ‘This’, the presence of
Arikh Anafim (Vast Face) as experienced in the Sefirah Keter, is to receive the
impressions of the eating of this Evil Inclination as here called ‘Night,’[25]
and in other places called ‘Flesh.’ The flesh is ‘roasted with fire’20 referring
the Sefirah Fire[26]
which is the station of the flesh of the lamb. The unleavened bread[27]
signifies the essential bread, the bread without the leaven of the Evil
Inclination which ‘puffs up to no avail.’[28]
Bitter Herbs is symbolic of adherence to righteousness within the suffering
attached to the Lower World, the Sphere of Bitterness in which we travail.[29]
The roasting in the fire and the bitterness represent the two side-posts of the
house, and the unleavened bread represents the lintel." "...But
roast together the head and its limbs, and with its interior parts." (Torah
Shmoth 12.9) This means that the burning of the flesh of the Evil Side
must occur only when the effort to retain the state of Wholeness is
maintained." "...None
of it is to remain till morning." (Torah Shmoth 12.10) means that the
destruction of the Evil Side is completed in the ‘Night of This’, and the lower
physical world disappears as the Primordial Causal Sun of the AYN rises.[30]
This is the true work of man in this world, the Unification of God’s Name."[31] "In
this way you should eat it, with loins girded, sandals on your feet, staff in
your hand, and in haste - it is hvhy’s
Passover." (Torah Shmoth 12.11) ‘In
this way’ means in the Way of This, the Shekinah. Once again we must eat it
with unity in the entire Tree and in the three bodily centers as signified by
the "foot sandals," being the lowest," the "loins girded," the middle, and
"staff in hand," the highest.[32] One must eat the flesh rapidly because, "Man does not have power to retain the Spirit."[33]
It is YHVH’s Passover, not man’s
Passover. Passover also means ‘opening,’ hence YHVH’s Opening, namely the
outflowing emanation of the Lower Creation of YHVH, which manifests for the
express purpose of once again becoming unified with the Upper World through the
work of Man in the Divine Process." "I
must pass through the "And
the blood shall serve as your sign...and I shall see it and pass over it."
(Torah
Shmoth 12.13) This is the blood of the lamb, the blood of atonement or
at-One-ment, which must be distributed over the whole Tree and the whole body
to effect protection when YHVH visits this Lower World with the
judgment of plague and ruination. "And
this day shall serve as a memorial for you...as a festival to hvhy throughout your generations."
(Torah
Shmoth 12.14) ‘This day’ we have already spoken of. ‘Must serve as a
memorial for you’ means you must remember ‘This Day’ for yourself and your
safety. ‘As a festival to YHVH throughout
your generations’ means as something joyous you do for YHVH by means of what actions you generate
from the higher station of consciousness you have attained." "...Anyone
eating what is leavened from the first day down to the seventh, that body must
be cut off from "...On
the first day and on the seventh day there is to take place for you a holy
assembly...no work shall be done, only what every body needs to eat..."(Torah
Shmoth 12.16) The ‘first day,’ gathers unto itself the whole Creation,
the Upper and the Lower. The ‘seventh day’ assembles into itself the whole
Lower Creation. These points are Keter and Yesod respectively. The only work
which is to be done is to maintain the ‘eating,’ of which we have already
spoken.[39] "...Observe
this day throughout your generations..."(Torah Shmoth 12.17)
‘Observe this day,’ that is, strive to remain in the station called ‘Arikh
Anafim.’ ‘Throughout your generations,’ that is, the Lower World called Malkuth
(Kingdom), so that your Malkuth has an Upper World foundation flowing through and supporting it.[40] "...Take
a bunch of hyssop and dip it into the blood in a basin and strike it upon the
lintel and the two side-posts..."(Torah Shmoth 12.22) The ‘hyssop’
represents the descent of the Presence of Arikh Anafim. The ‘blood in the
basin’ represents the life-force (ruach)
of the lamb in the flesh of the Lower World. "...And
none of you shall go out of the entrance of his house until morning..."(Torah
Shmoth 12.22) "And none of you’ refers to Arikh Anafim.’ ‘Go out of the
entrance of the house’ means to enter the dualistic consciousness of the Lower
World in Malkuth. The ‘entrance of his house’ is the Sefirah Yesod on the Tree
of Perfection. ‘Until morning’ means until the night of the Lower World has
passed away in the dawning of the AYN. "When hvhy sees the blood... hvhy will pass over the door and not
allow the destroyer to enter into your houses to slay you." (Torah
Shmoth 12.23) ‘Your houses’ here means your physical bodies. "Keep
this rite forever..."(Torah Shmoth 12.24) ‘This rite’
means the Spirit of Arikh Anafim within yourself. To ‘keep’ means to maintain
this state in the face of all obstacles and attachments. "When
you come to the promised land...you shall keep this service." (Torah
Shmoth 12.25) When one achieves the development of stability in the
higher level, the "This
is the ordinance of the Passover: No stranger shall eat of it." (Torah Shmoth
12.43) The Stranger is the Evil Inclination which should be resisted to the
point where it can no longer overpower ‘This,’ the Presence of Arikh Anafim.
Constant vigilance is required to oppose the subtle Evil One, and one must
continually ask oneself, "Watchman,
Watchman, what of the night."[41] "Every slave purchased with
money...may eat of it after he has been circumcised." (Torah
Shmoth 12.44) And also, "alien and sojourner after he has been
circumcised." (Torah Shmoth 12.48) Circumcision
means the removal of the covering of the creative function and is the symbol of
the removal of the attractive influence of the Evil Inclination in creation.
Only if this is done properly can the eating of the Passover lamb take place.
The removal of the covering, the shell, allows the essential to be realized. "Circumcise
the foreskin of your heart."[42] Therefore the statement is repeated, "No
uncircumcised man may eat of it." (Torah Shmoth 12.48) and "In
one house it has to be eaten...You must not take any of the flesh outside the
house and you must not break a bone of it." (Torah Shmoth 12.46) ‘One
house’ means a unified body and refers to the Tree of Perfection. ‘Not take any
of the flesh outside’ means not to be fascinated or drawn toward the Evil
Inclination outside from your state of unity.[43]
‘You must not break a bone’ means the eating is only proper from this state of
wholeness as we have said." With
this, Sheikh Eliyahu ben Otiqa paused. He placed his left hand upon the right
side of his chest and his right hand up and across the left, making the ancient
Hebrew letter Tav. He closed his eyes and went within himself. After a while,
he came back, his eyes opening slowing. Silently he scrutinized the expression
on the faces of his disciples. "And
now, he said, ‘we have only to connect the Seder symbolism to the secrets I
have opened for you, and you will have a clear representation of the meaning of
this most joyous Festival of Freedom to carry with you throughout your sojourn
in this life." And so the sheikh followed with the additional explanations in
these words. "In
the Name of hvhy, the Ancient of
Days and Hidden One. The Matzohs are three, the middle one is broken in two
pieces, one half is kept, and the other is hidden. The hidden piece is called
the Aficomen, the ‘grasped’ or
‘seized’ piece. It is this piece which is eaten as the dessert or the last
eating of the night. The ritual properly understood alludes to deep mysteries
and actual processes proceeding in the Upper World, beyond the sensory capacity
of man in the physical body to fathom.[44] Although
not complete, the information contained in these Matzohs still represents what
is most important for man to know in striving to attain ‘whole-i-ness.’ The
three Matzohs represent the Merkabah (Chariot) of the Patriarchs in which Arikh
Anafim rides (see Fig.-), and through which He manifests His Sefiroth Wisdom
and Understanding.[45]
The Upper Matzoh represents the place of Abraham and the three uppermost,
supernal Sefiroth. The Lower Matzoh represents the place Yitzaq, the lowest
three Sefiroth. The two pieces of the Middle Matzoh represent the four Sefiroth
of the "This
is analogous to the Torah which has both unmanifest (i.e. Atzluthic, Arikh Anafim)
and manifest (Ze’ir Anafim) aspects.[47]
The two pieces of the Middle Matzoh are mentioned in the scriptures in the
words, "From "The
three or four cups of wine during the Seder are also representative of these
three pieces, or four, if you include the Middle Matzoh in its double aspect.
These are also the four Saviors respectively, the Chariot and merit of our Patriarchs."[50] "Similarly
related to the above is the nature of the four sons, the Righteous, the Wicked,
the Meditative (Tasteful), and the One Who Does Not Know What to Ask. The
Righteous Son is the Upper Matzoh; the Wicked Son is the Lower Matzoh; the Meditative
(Tasteful) Son is the Middle Matzoh in its upper aspect, and the Unknowing Son
is the Middle Matzoh which in it’s lower aspect is attached to the outflow
toward the other side, or the Aficomen." "Blessed
indeed are ye whose hearts and
minds are opened, by the grace of hvhy,
blessed be He, to the mysteries which we have revealed to you this day, and who
faithfully remember and observe the ‘Night of This,’ known to us as Passover. Having
said what he came to say, the Sheikh Eliyahu ben Otiqa stepped through the
circle of disciples and retired into the night. With the instructions of the Torah
in hand, and the teachings regarding the essence of the "Night of This" in our
minds, we proceeded with our preparations. In our work group discussions, we
agreed that it was of the utmost importance to do everything connected with the
ritual with the proper intention and focus. Whatever the task, we would try to
maintain remembrance (zachor) while we were engaged in looking for, obtaining,
and/or creating something needed for the ritual.[51] Most of the things on the list, such as the
hyssop, horse radish, wine, etc. were
easy to obtain. One of the couples in our group elected to make the matzoh from
scratch instead of buying it in the store. Some of us lived near a forest, so
it would be easy to go on a short hike and collect enough staves. We walked in
silence and searched for "Passover quality" branches. The most difficult part of the
preparations involved the goat. First, there was finding a "perfect," one year
old goat. It couldn’t just be any goat. In fact, it couldn’t just be any
perfect, one year old male goat. It had to be THAT goat, the one that our
mentor had described, the one into which a high level being had incarnated for
the express purpose of realizing final liberation through our paschal
sacrifice. He told us that the goat was born and living on a farm in
With little more than a month to
go before Passover, I drove up to One night as I lay in bed in my friend’s
guest room trying to fall to sleep, thoughts of the goat as usual rising in my
mind, I consciously went out of my physical shell and was awake in my Geviyah
(Astral Body).[52]
The first thing I noticed was that a cop was giving someone a ticket down on
the road that runs past the entrance to the property where I was staying. I
suddenly remembered our mentor’s instructions on what to do if we found ourselves
conscious in the dream state, namely, to "create God in your dream, to meditate
the same way you would if you had started from the waking state." So, I ‘flew"
back through the wall into the bedroom and "sat down" on the bed to meditate.
Shortly after I started chanting the mantrum and visualizing the Name as
dancing letters of fire, the image of a goat arose in my mind. I could see it
clearly with all its distinguishing marks, and I could also see the farm and
building in which it was housed. The goat started to speak to me in a soft male
voice which I recognized as my own! All
it said was, "you will find me where the bells ring." I asked what bells he
meant, but he just repeated "where the bells ring." I arose early the next morning
full of energy, remembering my experience and the words of the goat. I started
out to the umpteenth goat farm. I felt sure that today I would find the goat,
especially since there were only seven days left until the period of watching
was supposed to commence. But, after visiting four farms spread far apart, the
day ended as the previous ones, no goat. I phoned my friends and vented my
frustration. I decided to take a "day of rest"
from the search to recharge my batteries, so to speak. I phoned up a woman
friend and invited her out for a long ride and a picnic. We drove for miles
along beautiful country roads without thinking about where we were going until
we saw a spot with a picturesque view that was perfect for our picnic. It
overlooked a beautiful valley where there was some sprawling farms. The sky was
clear, the air clear and warmed by the mid-day sun. We sat quietly, eating the
food that my friend had prepared. I tried to chat with her about mundane
things, but my mind kept returning to the goat. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t
at first hear my companion’s comment, "I wonder where the sound of those
beautiful chimes are coming from?" "I’m sorry, I zoned out. What did
you say?" I asked. "I said, I wonder where those
chimes are?" She gave me a look of mild exasperation that said, ‘Why aren’t you
paying attention to me.’ At first I had no idea to what she was referring, then
suddenly I also heard the ringing of chimes coming from one of the farms down
below. It was also as if a bell had gone off in my head, for the goat had said,
"You will find me where the bells ring." Well, chimes are sort of like bells. I
shot straight up to my feet. I strained to listen through the large expanse to
locate the sound with a sense of hearing that had been dulled by years of
attending love-ins and rock concerts. Each time a small breeze went through the
valley, I heard the faint but distinct sound of chimes ringing. I told her that I had to find the
source of those "bells." She thought that I had lost an oar, but I told her to
help me gather all our picnic stuff together and get back into the car. We
drove down the road that went through the valley. As we came to the entrance
road to each farm, I stopped the car and listened for the chimes. As we came
around a turn in the road, I spied a cluster of farm buildings. They were
exactly like I had seen in my conscious dream. I knew that we had found
the right place. We got out of the car and listened, and as a wind came by we
could easily hear the ringing of the chimes coming from the main farm house. We
drove up the dirt road to the farm and I could hear the sounds of dogs barking,
chickens clucking, AND goats bleating. The farmer who lived in the main
house had, of course, heard us coming and emerged from the house’s large wood
door to greet us preceded by his two dogs. I don’t think that he got many
visitors on any given day. "Howdy, are you lost?" he asked
with a grin that revealed a full set of teeth through his scraggly beard. "Good day," I replied. "No, we’re
not lost, thank you. We were having a picnic up over there on that ridge and we
heard the sound of your chimes. Actually, we’re looking for a goat." "Why, did you lose one?" he
laughed. "I got about three dozen goats but I haven’t seen any new ones show up
amongst my gang." He pointed over to the large building where he housed his
goats. "No, I’m looking to buy one. It
has to be a one year old Billy that hasn’t been castrated and doesn’t have any
other flaws." I replied in my "taking care of business" voice. "Geez, that’s a tough one." We
walked over to the goat barn. Most of the goats were outside in a field behind
the building. "All of my males have been done, except for a few older studs.
The only one like you want is "Willie," the goat my granddaughter adopted as a pet
shortly after it was born." "Could I at least see that one?"
I asked. "Sure, it’s lying down out there
by the tree." We started to walk towards the tree, which was about a hundred
feet away. Suddenly, the young goat awoke with a start, got up, and started to
trot over toward us. He walked right up to me. I couldn’t believe it. It was
exactly like the goat I saw in my dream. "Looks like it’s got a hankering
for you," the old man said to me. I looked the goat all over and it was
"perfect." "How much for this goat?" I
asked, knowing that I was facing the dubious prospect of taking a pet a way
from the man’s grand daughter, over whom he probably doted. "Geez, that’s a hard call," he
replied. "I was wondering what I was going to do with it. My grand daughter is
awfully fond of it, but she has no place to keep it at her parents and it’s
growing quickly." "I will pay you three times what
it’s worth, cash," I quickly cut in. "I have the money to spare and would be happy to make it worth your
while." I could tell that the old farmer was pulled in two directions. He
silently paced around stroking his beard. "Three times what it’s worth?
That’s a pedigree goat, you know," he blurted out incredulously. "Yep. I can bring you the cash
tomorrow," I came back. He walked around some more, chewing on the offer. "OK, it’s a deal. I could
definitely use the money. But you have to come back in the afternoon. My grand
daughter will be here in the morning. I’ll tell her that the goat is going
away. I don’t relish that chore," he said with some sadness in his voice. "But
I’m in the goat business, and business is business." "That will be fine," I answered.
"I’ll borrow a truck and come by around 3:00PM if that will work for you." "Sounds good," he said with the
firmness of a final decision. We proceeded to nail down the price. He gave me
instructions on how to care and feed the goat. Of course, I didn’t say a word
about what we intended to do with the goat and, oddly, the farmer never asked. I was so excited at finding the goat, my
friend made me let her drive us home. As soon as I got home after dropping her
off, I jumped out of the car, ran into the house, and phoned some of my friends
who were participating in the ritual. Everyone was buzzed. I told them the story
of the goat that talked to me, etc. They laughed and told me that if I ever
tell people about our Passover ritual to leave out the part about the "dream
goat," because nobody would believe it. I told them that they couldn’t argue
with the bottom line - - the goat! I arranged with a friend who had a good
pickup to drive me out to the goat farm the next day and help me. I would ride
in the back with the goat as he drove us home. We got to the farm about 2:50PM. The
farmer came out to meet us. I gave him the money that we had agreed upon. He
went out back of the barn and came back a little while longer followed by *our*
goat prancing at the end of a tether. He was so-oo cute. I couldn’t believe I
was picking up this "child" to be taken away to slaughter. I love animals. I
knew I would get attached to it. He lied in my lap for most of the drive home.
Oi Vey!! I had built a "corral" that opened into an old, small, empty chicken
coop in back of my house. I made a bed for the goat inside the coop. The first
day I spent a lot of time with him so he wouldn’t feel freaked out and lonely.
I slowly got him into a comfortable routine and my cat and dog gave him
company, so I didn’t feel bad that I had to leave for long periods of the day. I had "found" the goat, or the goat had
found me, three days before the first day of the Hebrew lunar month of Nisan,
the day that our group celebrated as Rosh
HaShanah i.e. New Year’s Day. Ten days after that, the formal period of
watching the goat would begin. But for me, the watching of the goat had already
begun. I was scheduled to drive the goat down to Since the Torah explicitly says to
watch/guard the animal for the four days leading up to the Passover sunset, a
group of us volunteered to watch the goat 24 hours a day for those four days.
Again, this watchfulness was to be done with the proper intention. We did not
know that this watching would provide one of the intriguing (and entertaining)
episodes in our ‘epic." The six of us who volunteered to be watchers decided to
camp out at the cave in the high desert where the ritual was to take place and
watch the goat in shifts. We thought that living out under the stars in the
high desert would be a great setting for us to maintain the state of
watchfulness on the goat, and a great way for us to prepare mentally and
spiritually for the Passover. Everyone else would start arriving the day before
and the day of the ritual. During the early morning on the ninth of
Nisan, my friend and I loaded up his truck with our camping gear and other
stuff to take out to the cave site. After the goat and the dog and the cat said
their good-byes, we loaded the goat into the covered pen we had jury-rigged
into the bed of the truck. It kept the goat out of the sun and wind if it
wanted, and gave it some space to stretch its legs during the eight hour drive.
We started out south after breakfast and, HaShem willing, we expected to arrive
at the cave site about mid-afternoon. My buddy’s ‘56 Apache slid smoothly down
the highway and the goat slept peacefully after the first half an hour. When we
stopped every couple of hours or so to stretch our legs and shrink our bladders,
I checked on the goat and spent some quality time with it before continuing on.
Traffic was light and we were making good time. Since it was still early
Spring, the weather was mercifully cool going down through the coastal inlands
leading into We had set things up to rendezvous with
our mentor and the rest of "Goat Watcher Unit Alpha" at twelve hundred hours at
a restaurant in lovely downtown Eventually, after a distinct rise in
elevation, our most entertaining and eccentric leader signaled us to turn left
onto a dirt road that led away from the main highway and up into the lower
foothills. We followed (and bounced) along the winding road for a few miles
when we came to what appeared to be the entrance to a very old and long-abandoned
mining operation. We continued on through and up until we came to a cave
entrance. We definitely felt isolated. The cave entrance entered the hill from
a large plateau about halfway up. The elevation and location of the cave, which
faced east, provided a great view of a
large valley below us, which spread out wide running north to south. The mine
was located in a highly tectonic region (and hence our mentor’s scientific
interest) where the faults make a distinct and dramatic impact on the landscape.
The members of Goat Watcher Unit Alpha were, in a word, stoked. Our collective "drop
out/back-to-the-land" experience, acquired in the late 1960’s-early 1970’s, had
honed our ability to bivouac in strange locations, hang out, and have a good
time. The hundred plus boyscout merit badges amongst us, and those great years
of camping with our dads didn’t hurt either. We were dying to check out the
cave, but the first order of business was to set up camp on the plateau outside
the cave and set up the area for the goat. Once we had gotten everything
basically unloaded, the most important things set up, and the goat secure and
comfortable, we sat down for a rest and talked about how we should proceed. We
decided that while one of us remained outside to watch the goat, the rest of us
would enter the cave, ceremoniously led by our mentor. After washing our hands, arms, feet, and
faces, we stood before the entrance to
the cave. We lit incense and intoned the six permutations of the Name YHV to the six directions as per the Sefer
Yetzirah.[53]
We then vocally intoned the root mantrum "Ani
Yod Hay Vav Hay" one hundred times, and "Shomer Mah MeLylah" one hundred times. It was about 4:30PM when we
entered the cave. There was plenty of time before the sunset. We would set
things up inside the cave tomorrow. For now, we just wanted to see where the
hole in the hill went, and we were in for a pleasant surprise. The width and
height of the cave was not particularly large, reflecting its age and the
hardness of the walls that had to be dug out by hand. The cave winded slightly
as it revealed deeper layers into the hill. We came to a fork in the path. Our
mentor led us one way and said the other led to the deep hole far down inside
of which he hung his sensitive tectonic equipment. Our mentor led us further into the hill
until we came to a very small streamlet that ran along in front of the entrance
to a much larger cavern. There was a small foot bridge that spanned over the
streamlet and led into the larger chamber. The end chamber was a big room,
about ten feet in height, fifteen feet across and about thirty feet in length
with rounded, fairly smooth walls, and a flat floor. It was amply large enough
for all of us to stand and move around, sit or lie down, and play drums and
other rhythm instruments. In addition to the stream that crossed before its
entrance, the end chamber had another excellent element in the natural rock
altar that was at its very end. This solid rock table, which protruded out from
end wall of the chamber about four feet, was about eight feet in length. It was
a perfect setting for the altar to YHVH. Having consecrated, "cleared the field of
bad vibrations," etc. and gathered intelligence on our new cave home, we
reemerged as the sun was getting ready to set. We told the guy who remained
outside to watch the goat about what we saw in the cave. We all hurried to
finish setting up our tent sites, and prepared to commence four days of
watching the goat. Our mentor headed back home. He would return the day of the
ritual. We sat quietly and watched the sun set. Our mentor taught us that the
sunset was the "Watch of Yitzaq" (son of Abraham). The Torah gives us the image
of Yitzaq "meditating in the field at sunset."[54]
In regard to the Watch of Yitzaq, the Zohar tells us to chant the Shem Ayin during the time of the setting
sun.[55]
So we chanted the Shem Ayin as we
watched the top part of the sun’s brilliant disc sink behind the farthest hill.
We had a crackling fire going which kept us warm in the chilly desert night. We
had settled on our watch shifts. I was glad that my first official watch didn’t
start until the morning, as I was ready for some serious sleep after a long day
of driving and setting up camp. The rest of the male-bonding goat
watchers stayed up a few hours longer, enjoying the crisp desert night under a
gillion stars, staring at the fire as it danced and crackled, and of course,
watching the goat. They trailed off into their tents, leaving the first
official sentry to stand guard over the goat for his four hour watch. When his
time was up, he roused his replacement and headed off for a well-earned sleep.
My watch started at the quite civilized hour of 8:00AM. I decided to start my
watch by sitting with the goat and meditating. When I came out of my meditation
after about an hour, I decided to circumambulate the goat in its pen, silently
chanting the root mantrum "Ani Yod Hay
Vav Hay" in time with my stepping. I did this for about an hour and a half
and then had the urge to take the goat out for a walk. The sitting and walking zichor had made me pretty spaced out, so
I thought a stroll in the hills would be a good way to get grounded. I tied a
long tether to the collar around the goat’s neck. We had a good time, sort of
like a boy and his dog out on the back forty. While one of us attended the goat, the
rest proceeded to make preparations for the upcoming ritual. We organized the
camp site for the eight people who would arrive during the next couple of days
and set up a roasting spit that was strong enough to hold the weight of the
goat. We also went to work to make the interior of the cave site ready. We
cleared debris from the path all the way to the end cavern, swept smooth the
end cavern so it would be comfortable for us all to sit in it over night, and
set up the shrine on the rock table. We even did a symbolic search for leaven. Aside from tending to the material and
logistical needs of the event, our small group also tried hard to extend and maintain
our state of individual watchfulness so that the spiritual site was set up
properly. We discussed and "installed" some spiritual ground rules for our
individual and group behavior. From the group stand-point, we scheduled daily
cave shrine oblations, prostrations, and rituals. We all agreed to keep communications
to a minimum, and whenever possible, to begin and end each communication by
saying "Shomer Mah MeLylah" and "MaH ZoT."[56]
The group chanted "Kol HaNeShamah Tuh
Hallel Yod Hay Halelu Yod Hay" one hundred times as the sun rose and then
meditated for a short while.[57]
We also did a group meditation and chanted the Shem Ayin one hundred
times as the sun set.[58]
Individually, we would stay calm and focused, and strive to maintain our state
of watchfulness throughout the day, which is no small feat for a group of young
bucks. The other guys liked my goat-watching routine, and did their own
versions during their watches, varying it by individual taste. Our cohorts would bring up lots of fresh
flowers for the shrine. We had brought incense and candles, a book copy of the Torah,
and a few other items down with us. We used as the center piece of the altar a
three foot wide circle of thick black paper, which served as the Tzimtzum (Contraction), upon which were
glued the four Sinatic Hebrew letters Yod Hay Vav Hay cut out of day-glo fire orange-red
paper that glowed in the dark if you used a black light.[59]
But the day-glo letters still reflected a lot of the light given off by the
numerous large candles, and seemed to come out at least a foot from the black Tzimtzum, giving it quite a three
dimensional appearance. (see Fig.1) The
circular black Tzimtzum was set
against a background of light blue, representing the AYN SOF AUR (Endless Light) in the negatively-existent roots of the
Tree of Life.[60] Inside the cave, you couldn’t tell day
from night. Once we had set up the shrine, we kept candles and incense burning
twenty-four hours a day. After the sunrise chant, at noon, after the sunset
chant, and at midnight, we all (minus whoever was watching the goat) went into
the cave, washed our hands, arms, feet, and face, made prostration, and did a
group chant of mantra which lasted for about half an hour. The acoustics in the
end cavern were great. The high quality gong that I had brought sounded deep
and resonant. We didn’t have to hit the drums with much force to create a solid
rhythm, so we could each use the richest parts of the drum heads, and play
relaxed and heavy. Our voices were blended and amplified. By
the second day we had everything set up and time started to drag. While not
engaged in the goat watch, we took walks, played backgammon, chess, and go;
wrote letters, sketched, practiced Taijiquan, and took turns cooking meals. The
arrival of each new participant gave us a little boost and, as our numbers
began to swell, so did our excitement and sense of anticipation. Each of the
new men and women took a turn watching the goat. By the end of the third day,
everyone was there except one woman who would travel to the site with our
mentor the next day. Our periodic rituals at the cave shrine
became more and more energized. There were now twelve people at the site, eight
men and four women. In addition to the four daily "prayer meetings," which we
all did as a group, the women got together in the cave each day and did their
own ritual to the Shekinah. We had set up a separate group of tents for the
women in a spot that provided them with privacy from us boys, and gave them
"their own space." Finally, the day of the ritual arrived.
We greeted the rising sun with the chant, group meditation and some devotional
singing. We were definitely buzzed. With the arrival of our mentor and the last
of the women participants, things jumped into high gear. Everything was ready,
but were we ready to go ahead with what we had to do. The goat was so
cute. None of us had allowed ourselves to dwell on the fact that we were going
to kill what had become our pet. As the majority of our group didn’t eat meat,
let alone hunt or have any experience in the slaughtering of animals, we were
fortunate (and relieved) that one of those amongst us had grown up on a farm
and had skill in using a specially curved knife that was designed to open the
jugular vein quickly and with as little pain to the animal as possible. Still,
watching the goat be sacrificed in this way was not something to which most of
us looked forward. We took consolation in knowing that, as our mentor told us,
the ritual had been preordained and the sacrifice would in fact involve the
liberation of a high-stationed soul. One of our group, in fact one of the
original six goat watcher special forces unit, brought a small twist to opening
of the curtain on our Passover drama. This colorful gentleman got it into his
head that he would "save" the goat from his fate. He had signed up for the last
goat watch before the time of the sacrifice. While the rest of us were busy
getting a fire started, changing clothes, and doing last minute things before
the opening events, our entertaining friend took the goat for a walk - and
returned sans goat!! He told us, without nary a flinch to disguise the
brazenness of his action, that the goat had escaped from him and run off. Upon hearing his story, the rest of us
went from shock to anger to "Huh?" in about a minute, while our mentor was
belly laughing. We scanned the hillside and couldn’t see the goat. So, was this an Abraham and Yitzaq sacrifice
scenario, where Yitzaq (our goat) gets spared the knife at the last moment by
an angel (our friend?, no way). Our mentor refused to address our questions,
and frankly, just kept grinning in obvious amusement. We looked around some
more and still couldn’t find the goat. We all assembled back at the fire pit to
talk about how we should do the ritual without the goat. We concluded that if
we couldn’t actually do the sacrifice with a live goat, we would do it as a
collective visualization, sit around the fire as the visualized goat was
roasted, "eat the flesh" of the visualized goat, etc. It was two hours before "between the
evenings." We had calculated that we would need that amount of time to
slaughter the goat, drain the blood, and roast the goat whole over a blazing
fire before the entering the cave at sunset. Again, our mentor had hardly said
a word the whole time, and still couldn’t keep himself from grinning.
Occasionally, he would even chuckle a little. We sat solemnly in a large circle
at the place we had set up to slaughter the goat. Our friend who would have
used the knife to open the goat’s jugular vein sat in the middle as if he were
actually doing it. The opening verses of Torah Shmoth Chapter 12, including
the instructions regarding the lamb or goat, were read/sung out loud. We
silently meditated. The gong rang to signal the commencement of the chant and,
just as we all opened our mouths to intone the first syllable of the mantrum,
we heard the loud, clear bleat of a goat, which basically stopped everybody in
mid-syllable. As we had sat with closed eyes, the goat basically walked right
up to our group. Watching our reactions and seeing the
looks on our faces, our mentor burst out laughing. After a few minutes the
commotion died down. Our mentor suddenly started talking which immediately
focused our scattered attentions. "I saw our friend walk off with the goat.
I also saw the goat return ahead of him and enter into the cave unnoticed.
During the whole period the goat was missing, no body looked in the cave. I
even saw the goat poke his head out a couple of times, at which I couldn’t
control my laughter. I was having such a good time watching HaShem play that I
didn’t want to say anything." We all sat there dumbfounded, and of
course, our mentor was laughing. Then we all were laughing. Then we came to a
sudden stop and were hit in the stomach with the realization that: "THE GOAT IS
HERE. THAT MEANS IT’S TIME TO DO THE SACRIFICE. Boing!!! So, without wasting
much more time, we got back into our circle, focused our minds and started all
over again with the reading of the Torah. The gong sounded and we began our
chant, "Shomer Mah MeLylah, Shomer Mah
MeLylah." Some watched, some held their eyes closed as our friend moved
quickly with the knife to open the young goat’s throat and hold it as the blood
drained into the basin that we had brought for the ritual. The life-force of
the goat passed from it’s body as it faded from consciousness. Those who not
were choked by tears kept chanting until all the blood had left the goat and
the gong was struck to signal the end. Then, the goat was carried off to the
roasting pit. The participants walked over in silence to the fire pit and reassembled in a circle around it. The
spit was inserted through the goat, and the goat placed over and into the fire.
The hair burnt off immediately, sending off a thick pungent smoke that lasted for
several minutes. Then the entire goat started to get roasted by the hot
hardwood fire. The goat would need to cook for over an hour. We all sat and
quietly meditated as the goat continued to roast in the fire. As the sunset
neared, we chanted the Shem Ayin one
hundred times, as we had done on the other nights. We assembled at the mouth of
the cave. I chanted the Torah verses about dipping a sprig
of hyssop into the basin with the blood and striking the lintel and the two
side-posts. Our mentor interjected and told us to write the Sinatic letter
"Hay" in the three places, and to do the lintel first, the ride side-post
second, and the left side third. While all were silent, I wrote the
letters on the cave door. Everyone entered the cave. Our mentor went in first,
followed by the goat, followed by the rest of us walking in single file. The
goat was carried in by two men holding the two ends of the spit. We had set up
another smaller cavern as a preparation and storage room. The goat was taken to
the smaller cave and placed on a table where it was sliced and put on a plate. The rest of us continued on to the end
cavern, where we prostrated before the shrine. We sat in a circle and I made a
few opening remarks. We then sang the song of welcoming to Eliyahu the Prophet,
and heralder of Meshiach: "Eliyahu HaNabi, Eliyahu HaTishbi, Eliyahu,
Eliyahu, Eliyahuuuuu - HaGiladi."
